I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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