I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did I show you my penis last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
