Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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