pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
