TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize