God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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