Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
