Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
