Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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