Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
