Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
