How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
