Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
