Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
