i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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