she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
