is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bring me that man meat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
