well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
