My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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