The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
