I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
