We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
