I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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