I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
