You're my little dorito
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
