Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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