a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
