Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
