Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
