Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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