For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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