alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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