Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
