I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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