I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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