I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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