think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
