wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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