I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
