hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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