That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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