textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
