My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize