Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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