just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
