But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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