It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize