so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
