I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
