The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
false alarm, still single
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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