someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you inspire me to be a worse person
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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