GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
