you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
