this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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