I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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