hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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