Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
