I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
