Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
