Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize