Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can't special order awesome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
