We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
