Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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