I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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