Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
