I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
