Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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