Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
