It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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