Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
