You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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