That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize