I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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