can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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